This photo is my inspiration for 40. I want to live this year like a 9-year-old on a hop ball. Now that I'm 40, I want to do 40 wonderful things to celebrate. The first 10 will be:
1. walk around Patriot Lake in Shelby Farms
2. blow bubbles
3. buy flowers
4. play with play dough
5. eat lemon head candy
7. dance to disco music
8. get a facial
9. buy a new book
10. hula-hoop.

The next 10:
1. go to an art museum
2. solve some brain teasers
3. work on a quilt
4. take a bath with glow in the dark bubbles
5. drink a smoothie
6. send post cards to friends
7. finger paint
8. paint a cheesy paint-by-numbers
9. play "Perfection"
10. read a Ray Bradbury short story

Followed by:
1. read e.e.cummings poetry
2. look at the moon with our telescope
3. go swimming
4. make some kind of skin potion
5. wear pig tails
6. shop for antiques
7. plant some vegetables
8. chew bubble gum
9. look at art books
10. take my dog to a dog park

At last:
1. play hopscotch
2. watch FOOTLOOSE
3. read Mimi At Camp
4. sleep out
5. buy new lipstick
6. search for treasure with a metal detector
7. pull taffy
8. watch fireflies
9. roller skate
10. play at a park

These are just baby steps to a fully exuberant life. If I could find an adult sized hop ball, I would be well on my way to joy.

My Dream Day

What would you do if you had a dream day? In no particular order, I would: walk on the beach of Sea Island, Georgia with my kids the first low tide after a harvest moon, ride in a hot air balloon, walk in an apple orchard in bloom, and float on a giant air mattress on a still lake or lagoon. I would eat tuna sashimi, fish tacos, lemon meringue pie, apricots, and kettle corn. I would walk barfooted on soft grass, have a hot stone massage and pedicure, lay out on the beach, eat fresh raspberries and tomatoes still hot from the vine, go to the Geddy museum, catch some frogs, finger paint with some four-year-olds, ride a Ferris wheel, and cross country ski across a quiet, flat field. I would read Dandilion Wine, Wuthering Heights, Eight Cousins, These is My Words, and We The Living. I would sit in the celestial room of any temple with my husband. On my best day I would visit tidepools. I would watch Lawrence of Arabia, Notorious, Footloose, The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit, and Empire of the Sun. I would perform with Ester Williams in a water ballet. I would wear a full lenth, bias cut, silk dress in the palest pink. I would call everyone "Darling". The sound track for my dream day would include Tiako drumming, flamenco music, and fiddle music that wailed like the wind torn sobs of a sea widow. Amy Lavere and AlexCuba would play a concert just for me. I would dance to Samba music and tango with some heart stoppingly handsom Argentine. I would also include the sound of rustling aspen leaves in my sound track. I would sleep out under a dizzy, starry sky. I would watch fireflies. I would sit by an open fire. I would hold a purring cat and a sleeping baby. And on my dream day, Doris Day would take me on a wacky, dreamy, romantic adventure which would include riding scooters around a European city.

MY BRAIN IS THE INTERNET

K3G1 and I are pictured here.


Quote of the week: My oldest son, K1B1, told me that his brain, "is basically the internet." This was his response to my concern about his lack of concern that I might have the April Fools day worm on my computer.



Here is a photo of the computer that wore tennis shoes.

The boys went to the priesthood session of LDS general conference, and the girls partied. K3G1 got out the clarinet she has been playing all of one week, K4G2 got out a recorder, and I sat at the piano. Together we played the instrumental basics such as Hot Cross Buns. Once we had gone through our smashing repertoire, I played some very simplified versions of Puff the Magic Dragon, Mickey Mouse Club, and Casper the Friendly Ghost while the girls sang along. While we sang, K4G2 styled my hair. It was a night of many talents. We had never done anything like that before. K3G1 exclaimed, "We've been making music for an hour and a half!" That was a magic moment never to be duplicated. My next door neighbors will be glad.

The last few days, the older three kids have been pretty upset about layoffs that are happening at their school. They are especially concerned about an English and a science teacher that are being fired. Usually my kids want me to butt out of their school lives. In this case they asked me to get involved. They seemed to want me to storm the establishment bunker. I did what I could. I wrote to the teachers to express my gratitude and concern. I offered to help them in any way. Then I wrote to the head of secondary education. I explained that layoffs should be based on skill level and classroom effectiveness rather than seniority. Unfortunately, the school has weakened it's science staff with one of these layoffs. Our family has had so much trouble with one of the older science teachers who remains. The young woman being fired has asked that I not do anything that might burn bridges between her and the school.

My kids would all like to see the campus minister, a relatively new staff position, done away with. I am not impressed with the man who fills that post. One time he sat behind us at a football game. When the school president appeared at the game, he stood up and said to his guests, "My boss is here, so I need her to see me glad handing some students. I'll see you later." We were not impressed by his sincerity. My children don't think he carries himself with the dignity that a servant of God should radiate.

MONDAY

Some Mondays are great. I love Mondays that involve updating calendars, balancing check books, updating blogs, doing laundry, and making grocery lists. Today is one of those Mondays. It's a hopeful day. I really believe I will make salmon and venison on appointed days. I really believe I will exercise four times a week. I don't doubt that I'll pray several times a day and read scriptures every day. My mind is joyfully creating lists, bulletin boards, calendars, and charts. Wonderful. Wonderful.

Some Mondays are bad. I go upstairs. I witness the carnage left behind by four children with wrecking balls. I lose all hope that my life will ever be organized. I will forever be shooting from the hip. I imagine the swelling tide of bacteria churning towards me. Surely this will be the week we finally succumb to cholera. On these Mondays I wish someone would invent a house with layers. Every five years the homemaker could peel away a layer. Like a magic, an entirely new home with fresh paint and carpet would be revealed. There would be no urine stalactites growing from the toilet seats. All of the 3000 tiny screws strewn across my son's floor would vanish. The marks on the playroom wall left by a shoe being repeatedly thrown would be swept away. All the tiny Barbie jewelry and Barbie hose with runs would disappear. The nail polish on the counters and dried boogers on the wall would melt away. The dried toilet paper plastered to the tub would flake away. The house would feel new and tingly.

Today I will stay downstairs. Today I read scriptures, consult cook books, workout with Gilad, sort my laundry by fabric type and color. Today I plan the exact time I'll leave for the grocery store each week this month. Today I'll get the entire editorial page of the Wall Street Journal read. This is the day when I take all my vitamins and eat some fresh fruit. This is a glorious day. Would that all Mondays were like today.

It snowed here. Rare and wonderful. The snow is so wet here that you really can taste a snowflake on your tongue. The kids pulled out every piece of winter clothing and hobbled together passable outfits. Girl-2-kid-4 had to wear newspaper bags under a pair of my size eight sneakers. Girl-1-kid-3 wore her oldest brother's (or father's) big hunting boots. It used to freak me out when the snow fell knowing that kids might get their feet too wet. They have survived every winter storm since 1994. Now I just let them rummage around and wear what they find.

Our second son was happy to go out in the woods with his BB gun. In the summer he won't go out there because of ticks. He and his brother wondered around pretending to be in real wilderness. I bet b2k2 wished his coon skin cap still fit him. I used to love roaming the fields and orchards around my house. I feel rewarded every time my kids take a "hike" outside.

Actually, the way the boys have been getting along, I am surprised they both returned home from their deep winter adventure. I am sure boy-2-kid-2 has a secret booby trap out among the bamboo hidden in the leaves...a deep hole with spikes pointing up to impale an obnoxious 17-year-old. He probably wishes a tick would eat its way to his older brother's brain.

This weekend, I previewed THE ROAD by Cormac McCarthy, because kid-1-boy-1 was assigned to read the book for an AP class. My experience with Cormac McCarthy is a depressing one. Years ago I read ALL THE PRETTY HORSES and found it to be one of the most hopeless books. After getting to page 91 of THE ROAD, I knew K1B1 did not need to read a book about nuclear Armageddon and cannibalism. K1B1 and I looked through the list of recommended AP books, so we could choose another "modern" lit option. We had a difficult time finding a book free from the themes of immorality, drug and alcohol abuse, homosexuality, murder, broken families, etc. I was disgusted by the time the we picked a book. Our happy choice...a book about living in a Russian gulag. Modern cultural forces are dark and scary.

Sunday I watched a movie about modern life in Antarctica. I was interested in this because I have read Shackleton's book and Gerrard-Cherry's book about arctic exploration. Most of the scientists interviewed in the documentary were evolutionists. They agreed that mankind is on the brink of extinction. They were grim about the future for our form of animal life. It is ironic that these people who are so hopeless about the meaning of and future for human life are so desperately trying to gain knowledge and garner physical experiences. What is the purpose? Why work so hard to attain something that disolves into nothing along with the rotting human corpse? I don't understand evolutionists.

Friday, the 13th of February, we bought our 13th car. Good luck or bad luck?

Also that day we received news from LDS Family Services that they would not let us adopt through them. For two days I was pretty heartbroken. I decided that I didn't want to be sad and depressed. I guess I willed myself into moving on. My thoughts are to pursue other avenues for adoption. I am alone in those thoughts. Therefore, I am going to live as fully as possible in the reality that is mine. I don't understand why this turned out as it did. I really thought God had a different plan for us. I guess not. I don't want to waste precious energy questioning life circumstances. So don't cry for me Argentina or something like that.

Missionary Work

The missionaries have come to our home the last two Sundays to give us instruction on member missionary work. I have accepted their challenges.

Missionary work is at the forefront of my thoughts right now. Art had us make a family mission plan at the first of the year. I want to do my part to bring the plan to pass. I've been carrying a copy of the Book of Mormon in my purse for quite a while. I haven't offered it to anyone. My prayers for missionary experiences are not consistent. I do better when I am thinking of a specific person to pray for.

The missionaries challenged us to give a copy of a missionary brochure to someone. Kid-4-girl-2 and I decided to present a copy of the Book of Mormon and two brochures to BP, K4G2's piano teacher. She attended church with us once and attested to filling the Spirit. She seems open to the Church. Two weeks ago she told me about a book her neighbor had given her written by a woman who claims to be a prophetess. BP wanted me to read the book to tell if it was true. I tried to explain that I didn't need to read it, because I knew the Book of Mormon was true. I told her that both books could not be true. K4G2 and I decided to fast for BP on fast Sunday. I put her name on the temple roll. I studied the Book of Mormon and pamphlets looking for the words I could use to testify of the promise contained in the Book of Mormon. I went to the temple and studied out in my mind what I might say. Art gave me council as well. Finally Thursday came. I did the best I could to teach about the Book of Mormon's purpose to witness of Jesus Christ. I showed her 2 Nephi 2:6-9 to prove the book's witness of Christ. I especially showed her the promise at the end of the book. I read James 1:5 with her. I showed her the last page of the Restoration pamphlet. I testified that I know the Book of Mormon is true because the promise has been fulfilled in my life.

I told her that she would not experience the same peace and clarity if she applied for revelation about her other book. She told me she thought the Book of Mormon was a good book. She believes God does talk to his children now as well as in times of old. To her that was also why her book is true.

I DON"T KNOW IF I DID ANY GOOD AT ALL!

She did accept a copy of the Book of Mormon from me. She said she would read it. I pray that she will not be lead astray by this other book. I know BP is looking for truth. She wants to add it to the truth she has found in her baptist faith. I hope she will come to know, as I have told her, that there is one source for all truth and that is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Now I don't know what to do next as far as missionary work goes. I am studying Preach My Gospel. I want God to know that I will be ready when he is ready to lead me to one of his children.

Skiing and Other Adventures

I recently went skiing for the first time in over 20 years. I can't remember when I've enjoyed myself so much. Every good thing I remembered about skiing remains good. The sound of skies on snow, the contrast of green evergreens and white snow, the fresh air, the characters sharing the slopes with me, the quiet on the lift, the feeling of total exhaustion at the end of the day.

My sister-in-law, C, was the best company. She didn't complain about my slowness or lack of skill. She was enthusiastic about the runs available to us, and our chances for fun.

This is one thing skiing revealed to me about myself. I don't live in reality. Let me explain. My rented ski boots were a little uncomfortable. By the end of the day, my legs hurt. But my mind was saying, "Because I have endured this pain, I know I can endure anything. I feel just like a character from Into The Void. I am tougher than I ever imagined." I was pretty sure that when I finally got those boots off, I would be looking at mangled flesh. Instead, I saw no visible bruises or blisters. I felt foolish. I never want to ski wearing those boots again. Still, I wish I really had been tough, so that I could have skied longer. I don't know when I'll have the good fortune to ski again.

More on my trip to Utah and family news to come...

Great Scripture to Memorize

Doctrine and Covenants 6:34,36

Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

As I was reviewing the scripture references for the Sunday school lesson I was about to give, those scriptures stood out to me.

In our home, discussion of the growing financial financial crisis in America and the world is a daily occurrence. My husband works in the banking industry and follows the market trends closely. We're both fiscal conservatives. We're concerned about high taxes, growing government, and regulation. Our kids worry about their educational and occupational opportunities. I'm concerned that my parents are unprepared to care for themselves and my nephew if inflation rises and pensions shrink.

I'm also concerned about the loss of liberty as government takes more personal responsibility from each individual. I see a growing victim class. Responsibility is becoming a dirty word.

Amid these tensions, the scripture citation above sounds as a clarion call to me. Do good. Focus on Christ. Believe in his promises.

Shifting gears now, I want to reflect on an experience I had this week. I volunteer regularly at a rest home near hear. Sometimes, as was the case last week, one of the residents I visit wants to die. They cannot find a purpose for their life. All the things they did that felt worthy and useful are gone do to the physical limits of age or disability. They seem lost and depressed. Often, they live in the past, unaware of the horizon. This week, one of the residents I know wept. I asked her what she wanted to accomplish in 2009. She said she wanted to die. She was praying to die. I see this in my own grandmother. As her body has aged and her social circle has shrunk, she has lost the desire to live. She only wants to talk about all the things she can no longer do.

As I understand it, this is a real crisis that every aging adult passes through. Some are successful in adjusting to the realities of aging and manage to continue to see themselves as useful, vital individuals. Obviously, some sink into depression. I don't know how to counsel those in the latter group. My heart breaks for them. Often, the body lives beyond will.

I find myself wondering what purpose God has for these individuals. I wonder why they cannot discover that purpose. I told the resident that visiting her keeps me from feeling lonely and isolated. I told her that I need her in my life for companionship. This is true.

I would like to know what the literature says about this crisis, so that I could better understand and care for people. Also, I want to be prepared to live proactively for all of mortality.

LOOKING FORWARD

LOOKING FORWARD TO NEW ADVENTURES IN 2009:

1. kid-2-boy-2 getting his driving permit and learning to drive
2. kid-1-boy-1 applying to college
3. kid-1-boy-1 getting his first job
4. teaching Doctrine and Covenants in gospel doctrine Sunday school class
5. continuing with adoption application/home study process
6. learning to use new camera
7. reading with newish book group
8. soccer, swim team, and football (old adventures redone)
9. some new quilts
10. kid-4-girl-2 beginning voice lessons
11. getting my handgun carry permit
12. eating a lots of new restaurants (hopefully)
13. crocheting something bigger than a wash cloth
14. taking the kids on a ski trip

Out with the old, in with the new...I'm beginning 2009 with fresh blogs.

To begin, a listing of some of our blessings in 2008:

1. Art remained employed during trying times in the banking industry.
2. Kid-2-boy-2 was uninjured during his freshman football season.
3. All the kids and I spent one month in Utah visiting family and friends.
4. Only one of the four kids broke their glasses.
5. My uncle was successfully treated for cancer.
6. Kid-1-boy-1 survived his first driving year without any collisions.
7. Art was called to the bishopric of our LDS congregation.
8. Three of the kids participated in baptisms for the dead with their father in the Nauvoo Temple.
9. I began communicating more often with my brother and his family.
10. We purchased a new car.
11. We visited family in California several times through the year.
12. Art and I went to Mexico for a "honeymoon".